I have created, for your pleasure and displeasure, a bingo card for Japanese school BLs. I wrote these down before I started watching Miseinen (I promise!), and I’m going to see at which episode I yell “Bingo!”. Feel free to play along, shuffle the table, make it your own, and then tell me at which point you win. (For ratings, I’ll start with 5.5 throughout, and adjust them at the end depending on how good the show is.)

Column B:
(Psychology 101)

1. Overbearing mother
2. Absent or abusive father
3. Inability to communicate (except through inner monologues)
4. Panic attacks at the very thought of intimacy
5. Noble idiot

Column I:
(Tropefest)

1. Time jump, usually for trips abroad
2. Beach trips
3. Random and wildly inaccurate equations on blackboard
4. Corridor crossings in slow motion
5. Roof-tops, usually fenced-in, against a hilly background: ideal for unrequited confessions
[Bonus point: Bangs for girls. Bowlcut for boys.]

Column N:
(Love Languages)

1. A wide-eyed "kiss" that reminds you of the girl from The Ring
2. Kabedon, because... door banging is sexy?
3. Free Space
4. Wound tending... even sexier.
5. Standing in the rain, kissing in the rain, getting cold & fever from the rain... just a lot of rain.

Column G:
(Lines of dialogue)

1. “But we’re both men…”
2. “Kawaii!” or “Kakkoii!”
3. “Ikemen ne.”
4. “Hendayo!" (usually after the first non-kiss)
5. “Suki da.” “Eh?”

Column O:
(War of the Positions)

1. Seme: Nipple-revealing bleach-white shirt. Uke: Buttoned-up black coat.
2. Seme: No real friends. Uke: Really bad friends.
3. Seme: PTSD survivor. Uke: Florence Shitingayle
4. Seme: Rebel with(out) a cause. Uke: Mathlete.
5. Seme: Six feet, tops. Uke: Five feet under.


Notes:
1. Gang, it happened! At the end of Ep. 5, Bingo!!
2. "Infect me!" has to be the sexiest and most romantic thing anyone has ever said in a BL.
3. If my sampling of JBLs is correct, at least a third of all Japanese fathers must be in jail for child abuse.
4. Can someone explain to me why Minase cannot call the police?


This review is dedicated to jpny01, the final word and authority on all things BL.