A genuine and breathtaking exploration of queerness

Gosh, this series is beautiful. It is so rare to come across a series that genuinely takes it's time to explore the idea of slowly coming of age and realizing your sexuality, and all the desire and fear that comes with it. It is so rare to come across a series that builds up a relationship slowly, genuinely, where proximity feels like something tangible, like the audience can actually see the distance between the characters shift with each episode. It is so rare to come across a series where each gesture doesn't have to be romantic right away, where the relationship is special and something to treasure even in the moments before they realize it's heading towards something more romantic. They're friends, they're partners, they're family. They're all these things even before they realize they want to be anything else.

It is so rare to come across a series that explores all the happiness, yearning, and pain one might feel in their school years in all its authenticity, instead of downplaying it for potential a adult audience who may no longer be in that phase of their lives. As an adult, you may watch a particular moment and think, why is that such a big deal? But I think maybe we can try to remember our teenage selves in those moments. When you're in that time of your life, such small things can make or break your world. I remember weeping, bawling at things that barely scratch the surface of my life now. I remember laughing and being happy at the silliest things. We grow and we change, but maybe in watching this show, we can honour the feelings of our younger selves, too.

Sheng Wang and Jiang Tian don't meet under the ideal circumstances: With their parents moving in together, they are forced to fit into this idea of family that their parents are trying to construct. The role of brother is immediately pushed on each of them, but they don't want it. Each of their single parents having been so absent for a large part of their upbringing, they are not used to the idea of being able to rely on someone, to find someone who is also in the same boat that they can count. To make it more complicated, they are also in the same class, which means there are even more people who are keeping them together: their classmates and their teachers. Of course, they're both skeptical (to different extents). At most, perhaps they hope to get along well. But fate is funny, and sometimes the person you meet under the worst circumstances ends up being the person who truly sees you and makes you feel not alone in all the ways you are not alone. And it's complicated, because you don't feel like you're allowed to love them in that way, but when has love ever been a choice?

What I love about this drama is how integral space is to their relationship. The space between their desks, where they pass ink refills and test papers and sticky notes. The space of the kitchen table where they have to meet every morning for breakfast and share food. The space of the desk in Jiang Tian's room where they spend hours solving physics and math equations, practising handwriting, studying and revising, learning to count on each other in those ways. The space of the cafe run by their teachers, the corner store, the old man's house, all the places where their word grows a little bigger, where they find adults they can rely on in ways they might not be able to rely on their parents. In each space, their relationship is different. Between the school desks, they are classmates. At the kitchen table, they are brothers. In Jiang Tian's room, they are strangers first, then friends. And in all those spaces outside, they learn what they can be to each other in ways that other people aren't forcing them to be. And that doesn't have to be romantic right away, but they do realize it's something special. They might not be brothers, but they are family. They are each other's person. If there's one thing you will feel after watching the series is truly feeling that they are each other's person. In all the ways that count (and more).

I find that often watching a romance series, especially a gay romance series, I want to live vicariously through them and want them to fix something inside me by giving me quicker happiness. You know, confession, a kiss, getting together. But this show goes beyond that to me. Of course, not going to spoil anything about the trajectory of their relationship and the plot (and this story is undoubtedly a romance), but right from the first few episodes I knew their bond and relationship was special to me without all those things, too. Their building relationship wasn't a means to an end, it wasn't just the prequel to a grand romantic ending. It was special by itself. I felt warm seeing them get closer to each other, not because I thought this would make the confession come quicker, but just because I liked seeing them get closer. Whatever their relationship might be at any stage in the series, it is so special. And it's so comforting to me, not just as a queer person, but just as a person. This realization that queer love is like this, too. It is also between friends, family, and acquaintances. Queer love isn't just a kiss. It is also someone carrying you home on their back, not because they want anything romantic from you, but because they just want you to be home safe. It's someone giving you the answers on a math test. It's someone giving you a band-aid. It's someone wanting to be your friend. It's someone wanting you there, always.

Family is such a big part of their story. They have complicated relationships with their parents and the series does show us the good and bad parts of it. And truly, I like the dynamics of forced brotherhood too. Having grown up in an Asian country, even platonic friendship bonds are often parallel to pseudo-sibling relationships of sorts (e.g., you might call an older boy or girl using the word for older brother or sister). It doesn't mean they're your sibling, but that context is there. So, I think that kind of relationship can be explored without them being like literal brothers. And this show does do that. Their relationship is not brotherly, but there are things you can do for your brother that you might do for your romantic partner, too. I feel that we often think of romantic love as the highest form of love and certain gestures as explicitly romantic. But hugging someone, carrying them, bringing them food, wanting them to do well on a test, wanting them to smile, wanting them to be closer to you...all these things aren't necessarily romantic. What I like that the same gesture can change with time. You might do a lot of things with someone and mean them in a platonic light at a certain point of time and then maybe after some time when you realize your feelings, you think back to those gestures and their context changes. But in that moment of time in the past, your past intentionality is valid, too. Something can be both platonic and romantic. I think this show really makes the most of the uncertainty of their relationship to explore both these dynamics in a way that feels sincere and authentic. If at any point in the show Sheng Wang does call Jiang Tian "Ge", it doesn't have to mean literal brother. The word can mean what it means to them, the relationship can mean what it means to them.

The show also very beautifully portrays that liking someone doesn't mean you have overcome all your problems. You can like someone with all you have and still be hesitant about things. For example, a very lighthearted scenario, if you hate mint chocolate ice cream and your crush offers it to you, you might not automatically accept it even if means you're going to share ice cream with them. The parts that make you are still yours, and they don't all have to change even when you realize you have deeper feelings for someone. You can like someone with all you have and still be lonely, sad or scared. Liking someone isn't a permanent solution. But it does make all these things a little easier. It might not solve all your problems, but maybe love makes it a little easier to exist. And maybe that's what we can hope for.

I feel so deeply for both Sheng Wang and Jiang Tian. I feel so deeply for what they feel for each other. Gosh, this show does such a beautiful job showing queer awakening. How it feels exciting, undeniable, but also scary and sometimes deeply shameful. This is true, even without the whole complicated situation with their family. It's just so real. They're young and innocent, they're just realizing who they are. There is nothing wrong about their desire. It's pure. It's something special. The show shows it to us as something special. I wish beyond anything I had seen even a glimpse of this when I was younger. Because even through their fear and guilt, it is clear that there is nothing wrong with who they are. I wish more people get to see that on the screen. I wish more people at various stages in their journey (or even on a different journey) get to see someone similar to them on the screen and see their own capacity to love reflected in the characters, and realize that it is not something to fear. It is only something to cherish, forever.

The music is beautiful, the visuals are stunning, the acting is so freaking good, like beyond good. Dongqin and Benjamin have such a strong grasp on their characters. They're so convincingly age 17, you will NOT doubt it. They bring their characters to life through subtleties. Like, something as simple as head tilt feels intentional. The shared glances. Their body language when they're together is palpable, and you can see the ways their shoulders pressed closer or turning towards each other, and also when they're not together, when you can see they really are inhabiting the body of a restless teenager (especially Dongqin's Sheng Wang). Benjamin is amazing because it's so hard to portray a character that is stoic but also gentle? Benjamin's Jiang Tian isn't expressionless. He's reserve, but still soft, still undeniably caring (gosh he is such a giver, someone teach that man how to take), and sometimes awkward, sometimes cool. And Dongqin...well I can't imagine a different Sheng Wang and I will never be able to. Sheng Wang is adorable, annoying, pushy, clingy, stubborn, scared, sensitive, lonely, and so, so, so kind. He's good. He's a good person. The moment he realizes he can push Jiang Tian's buttons and Jiang Tian will still be there, the moment he realizes that he is so immensely cared for, he's so unrestrained. He's playful, he's truly so freaking annoying. I love them both, they're so perfect for each other. And all the Class A students, they're all so good, their dynamics are so fun, I really felt like I was back in school, even if school in my country wasn't like school in the series. But often school dramas use school as a backdrop, but this show (and the novel, which please the novel is true gem here), really makes the most of that space. It's not such a setting, it's a time in their lives. This series is truly a study on nostalgia.

All in all...if you've been considering watching it, please do. It will move something inside you. And then read the novel too. I know fans have said the novel and the series feel different but gosh, they're both so beautiful together. I just...we have a lot more queer series these days, but it's still not a lot compared to straight romances. We still have such a long way to go in terns of representation. It's not easy to find a queer show that truly explores the characters with care and effort, treating their relationship and journeys as something special, both together and seperately. It's not easy to find a director, actors, and crew who care so much. All the interviews and behind-the-scenes clips I have seen of this show, I can see how earnest everyone is in playing their role. Even the smallest of moments. And Dongqin and Benjamin speak of their characters so fondly. I don't know. It's something special. I am so happy to have come across this show and watched it (even if it means I am now incapable of thinking of anything else in the near future).

Please watch it. Please give this a chance. You will not regret it.

Lire davantage